Where I’m At

Dear Friends and Family,

I cannot begin to express the gratitude i feel right now for you. Through your notes, your actions, your messages, your prayers, your thoughts, and your hearts I feel upheld, energized, encouraged, hopeful.

The news has been mind-numbing and disorienting. Bouts of deep fear come and go like passing crows. But as we peel back the layers, as we familiarize ourselves with this new landscape it feels like there is gold in them hills. This sickness is saying something to me and I am doing my best to begin to listen.

Then there are the scores of graces that have fallen into place. Being introduced quickly last week to someone my age, a doctor, with similar diagnosis and prognosis as me, treated by the same doctor, and who happens to work around the corner from MSK. Having a peaceful home to recuperate in after chemo that months ago was a construction site. Being healthy and strong. Having amazing competent doctors. Being in the care of my super hero, Katie Rose, with whom i am more in love with and in awe of every day. And having a such a group of loving, fierce, kind, generous friends and family. It is so incredibly moving. It is always there – this love we have for each other – but when it is called to life and to action it is beautiful and overwhelming.

So here i sit in this moment at MSK with gratitude in my heart. Round 1 begins soon and you are all there with me.

“Beyond our pain, each gasp of parting pollinates the world with what the heart releases when it feels the most. This sharp honey keeps the world from falling.” –Mark Nepo, from Reduced to Joy

Love,

J